I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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