I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
