wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Enjoy the penises
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
