Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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