the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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