Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize
