omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
