don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
