Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
