You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
