She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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