I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
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