mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
