I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
