I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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