Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
