Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
oh god the rape fog is back!
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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