FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
My feet surprised me
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