Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
