I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
