I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
