i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
