Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
