so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
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