and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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