And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
