I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
