How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
