I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
