I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
soo... how was my night?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
