I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
