i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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