i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
