No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
