I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
