i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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