guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
