all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
