i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
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