Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
