So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize
