Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
