Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Acid is not a monday night drug
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
