Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
