I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
