when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i drank out of a bidet.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
