Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
