Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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