I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
