just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
