So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Randomize
